How to be a terrible administrator in 5 easy steps.
There are bookshelves full of people saying how to be a
great administrator, but I would like to outline how to make teachers cry, let test
scores slip and have new and exciting problems, if you happen to find yourself
in charge of an urban public school.
I have worked with several administrators in my teaching
career, whether they be principals, superintendents, assistant principals or
other random titles. Some have been great! Some have been so awful that I feel
the need to channel their terribleness and create this guide.
1. 1) Treat all teachers as if they have no idea what
they are doing, and have never done this before.
This step is by far the most important step to becoming a
terrible administrator. No matter the length or success of any individual’s
career, it is best to treat all teachers as if it is the very first time they
have ever been in a school before. Even if a teacher has been decorated by more
awards than Meryl Streep, and has been at the top of their game for decades, it
would be advised to sign them up for basic workshops (examples include: basic
classroom management, objective writing, anything aimed at beginners). This strategy works two fold, first it lets
them know that you did not bother to learn anything about them, but as a bonus
it also generally insults their entire career. If you want to really drive this
point home, have all your teachers ALWAYS attend the exact same trainings on
basic teaching principals. Why shouldn’t everyone in the school spend half a
day learning the basic definition of differentiation? Again, the important part
is to assume that no teacher has any experience or expertise in anything. This
way, you can distinguish yourself as the only person that knows anything. Very
quickly you should have insulted, bored, and probably angry staff members. This
is an important attitude to foster, if you are truly committed to being a terrible
administrator.
2. 2) Treat all evaluations as if giving points to
teachers, means taking them away from yourself.
To add to the step above, no teacher should be feeling any
level of success. So treat all evaluations as if giving teachers points, will
take them away from you personally. It may not matter that bonuses, tied to
evaluations, are paid by a private foundation and do not affect school budgets,
or that moral could be boosted if people feel that their jobs are secure. The
important part is that people feel scared, intimidated and unsuccessful at their
jobs. As much as you can ruin their day, week, year, entire career by giving a
low score, you should seize that opportunity. It lets them know that no matter
what they do, you control that number that can determine their entire
career/life. Not sure how to do this? Here are some helpful tips. 1) Ignore
anything positive happening in the room, focus on the one student that may look
sleepy, or was staring at the wall. Figure out a way to work that into every
part of the evaluation. 2) Focus on what is posted on the wall. No Anti-Bully
poster, deduct points, also take off points for font sizes, not using colored
markers (or using too many), having too many visual aids (or not enough) and anything
“fun” should be cause for deductions. All of these things have very little to
do with actual quality teaching, but you can take pictures of them with your
phone and then later claim that it is evidence of something, although no one
will know of what. The most important thing is to make all teachers know that
not only do you control their fate, but you have no intention of considering
that when visiting their classroom.
3. 3) Pick favorites, and most importantly, non-favorites.
This is easier to do than you may think. Here are some
helpful tips.
1)
Make a large deal about punctuality, but always
allow one person (or group of people) to saunter in late (with everyone
watching) and have it be consequence free. Same goes for leaving early, turning
in paperwork, etc.
2)
Always use the same people in your examples of
amazing teaching. Do not under any circumstances use anyone outside of the
favorites, as a positive example. It may give the idea that people outside of
the favorites groups have redeeming qualities.
3)
If two ideas are presented, always choose the one
from a favorite, even if it is terrible.
4)
Constantly tell non-favorites what the favorites
are doing right, even if it has nothing to do with the conversation.
4. 4) Micromanage as much as possible, but only certain
things.
This step can be tricky. I will try to make it simple.
Micromanaging can be time consuming, so make sure that you are overly
concerned, and will continuously be checking on, things that don’t really
matter. Posters on the wall is one of my favorites. A great tactic is not
worrying about what the posters are, or if you ever use them in teaching, but
focus merely on the quantity. This way you can go into a classroom when the
teacher is not there and then send them emails at 9:00pm, telling them to fix their
unacceptable poster situation by 8:00am. Always good to include pictures from
your phone, so they know you were really there. Other good ideas include, font
sizes of anything displayed, where on the board you write things, colors of
markers (note: you must be willing to not provide markers, forcing teachers to
purchase their own), where students write their name on the paper, and what
kinds of boxes supplies and books are kept in. These are some really great
things to micromanage.
5. 5) Be a “Yes” person to all higher ups, regardless
of the request.
It is the teacher’s job to advocate to administration on behalf
of the needs of their students. However, as an administrator do not be fooled
into thinking that you need to advocate for teachers. Your job is to appear in
charge, and powerful. Your boss should see your teachers cowering at your feet
while jumping to fulfil your every command. A solid way to destroy teacher’s
trust, all while looking good to your boss, is simply to say “Yes” to every
crazy, spur of the moment, poorly planned initiative that comes down from the district
level. Need to change math curriculums three times within the year, you need to
make sure that your teachers comply and don’t ask questions. This is not about
what is best for students, it is about looking good to your boss. Is the
district mandating something that is totally not appropriate for your
population? (a great example is, monthly paragraph writing for all students,
including preschool and newcomer ESL students) You should double the mandate to
show your boss that you are taking it seriously. With luck, students will begin
to get demotivated, teachers will feel defeated and loose that spark that makes
them love teaching. This also relates to the first step. Teachers, obviously,
can not decide what is right for their students, you need to enforce whatever
crazy idea comes down the pipeline because people who have never met your
students, are in the best position to make decisions about their daily
education.
Following my five easy steps you should quickly become a
truly terrible administrator. However, if you are truly following my advice,
you should note that I am a teacher and therefor know nothing.
